What do you do when you’re capable, experienced, and still feel a little tension before a decision?
That’s not unusual. In fact, it’s often a sign that three internal forces are interacting at once: confidence, ego, and courage.
Most leadership advice treats these as separate topics. In real leadership situations, they function as a system. When the system is balanced, leadership feels clean. When it’s off, even simple decisions start to feel heavy.
Confidence is not volume.
Confidence is what lets you stay steady when the room wants certainty you cannot honestly offer yet. It’s the difference between “I need to sound decisive” and “I’m ready to make a call, explain my reasoning, and adjust if the facts change.”
A confident leader can say:
- Here’s what we know.
- Here’s what we don’t.
- Here’s the decision anyway.
That’s not weakness. That’s control.
Ego is not a character flaw.
Ego is identity management. It’s the part of you that cares how you’re perceived, whether you’re respected, and whether you still look like “the person who has good judgment.”
Ego becomes a problem when it starts negotiating with reality.
You can spot it when:
- Feedback gets treated like a threat instead of data
- You defend the idea more than you test it
- You keep explaining, even after the point is clear
In senior roles, ego usually doesn’t show up as arrogance. It shows up as rationalization. It sounds smart. It can even sound “strategic.” But the effect is the same: learning slows down.
Courage is the move.
Courage is not bravado. It’s action in moments where confidence is quiet and ego is uncomfortable.
Courage looks like:
- Naming the issue early instead of letting it “play out”
- Making a call that won’t be immediately popular
- Slowing down when the environment rewards speed
- Changing your mind in public when the data changes
If you want one practical reframe, use this one:
When leadership feels heavy, ask where identity is in the room.
Not as a therapy question. As an operating question.
Try:
- What outcome am I responsible for here?
- What identity am I protecting?
- What would I do if I didn’t need to protect it?
That third question is often where the truth sits.
One more lens, since it’s useful.
In music, if a conductor tries to “win” the rehearsal, the ensemble tightens up. People play defensively. They stop listening. But if the conductor is grounded, the room can handle correction, experimentation, even blunt feedback, because the goal is shared: better performance, together.
Same dynamic. Different setting.
This is a common focus in my advisory work with senior leaders, especially CMOs and cross-functional executives. We map the decision patterns that are creating drag, identify where confidence, ego, and courage are misaligned, and then put practical language and actions around the moments that matter most: the meeting, the narrative, the decision, the follow-through.